


Loneliness

by Lady_Hart



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Depression, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates who can feel each other's presence across an ocean, Teenage Victor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Hart/pseuds/Lady_Hart
Summary: One-shot: 18-year-old Viktor couldn't explain the emptiness he felt. Already at the top of his career and the void was ever-present.Chinese Version





	Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, most of this fic deals with Viktor's depression.

Everything hurt.

Viktor walked toward the water, hoping that the pain would stop soon. The wind blew a few strands of his hair behind him. Makkachin frequently looked back as she headed toward the water, giving him a look of curiosity. They had been there several times. Usually, he would happily walk beside his only companion.

Today, he couldn’t bring himself to keep up.

He fought back tears as he walked toward the water. No one could ever see him like this—disheveled, vulnerable, and on the verge of a breakdown. Viktor thought a walk would help. Like everything else, the feeling was fleeting and all he had left were the crushing thoughts in his mind.

They never stopped except for when he was on the ice. He could get lost in the music, the story he had imagined. Those precious moments had become a lifeline to him. It’s why he trained as hard as he did. Moments after posing for photos, another gold medal around his neck, the thoughts slowly clawed back to the front of his mind. He faked happiness through the remaining events. Pretending that it wasn’t difficult to breathe, that he didn’t hurt.

Describing the pain he felt wasn’t easy. Physically, Viktor was fine. His last check-up proved as much. So why was he always hurting? There were days he couldn’t get out of bed, where he forgot to eat, where he forgot to bathe—it wasn’t all the time, but still enough to make him wonder what was wrong with him. The days he had off from training were the worst. He rarely left bed and fought tears constantly as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

Makkachin barked. Viktor realized that he had stopped moving. He joined his companion by the water. The waves slowly crashed near their feet. Makka yipped as the water touched her paws. She backed further away.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips.

Here he was, 18 years old and at the top of the Figure Skating world. Viktor had countless medals in his apartment. Sponsors wanted him to be the face of their brands. He had offers worth millions of dollars. Financially, he was already well-off, but continued to accept offers. There was nothing else for him to do. The hole in his life continued to grow and he didn’t know what to do anymore.

_What if I give up skating?_

It wasn’t the first time he had thought about leaving the sport. Every time the temporary joy from the event faded away, his mind drifted toward casting his career aside. The reason he didn’t go through with the plan was because without Figure Skating, Viktor had nothing left to fight for. Nothing left to keep him going through each day.

His apartment was cold and empty. It wasn’t comfortable staying there for very long. That’s why he frequented the ocean. On most days, an unexplainable warmth would wash over him. Content and a small dose of happiness would rise. Those moments helped ease the pain of his loneliness, gave him renewed strength, and kept drawing him back to the water.

Today though, he couldn’t feel the warmth he was seeking. His eyes continued to stare forward. His hair whipping around with the wind. He shivered, even though he had plenty of layers to protect himself from the elements. Viktor began to walk along the water, seeking out the feeling.

It didn’t come.

After an hour of hoping, his determination crumbled. This time, he felt something wet on his cheek. Viktor touched it.

_Tears._

They flowed freely as he and Makkachin walked back toward the way they had come from. He didn’t try to hide them. It would be pointless. Soon, he would return to his apartment and turn over the same thoughts over and over again. The ones that reminded him of how little his achievements in skating didn’t matter. How he should be taking care of other responsibilities. He was stupid to think that the reprieve he found at the ocean would last.

Nothing ever did.

Just as defeat settled heavily on his heart, Viktor began to feel the warmth. He continued walking forward. His body heating up the closer he got to his original waiting point. Once there, the burdens he carried didn’t feel so heavy. The hurt eased.

Viktor could breathe.

He was crying again, but for a different reason. There, in that moment, he felt complete. Viktor knew he was missing something in his life. It never went away until he stood in front of the ocean. He closed his eyes, letting the feeling wash over him.

_I can find happiness._

With that determination, Viktor set off in a new path. One that would help fill the void he carefully never exposed to anyone else. He promised to find his life.

He didn’t expect to find his love too.

Nor did he know that all the times he walked to the ocean seeking peace and warmth, his fiancé, Katsuki Yuuri was also in front of the waters in Hasetsu.

Thousands of miles away from each other, both with the same longing and feeling of peace.

While Viktor had once imagined giving up skating, he was glad he didn’t. A smile washed over him as he watched his fiancé sleep. Their matching gold rings shining in the sunrise.

It may have taken him almost ten years, but every fight to get to this moment was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: No, having Yuuri there doesn't fix Viktor's depression. It makes it easier to bear. He still has off days. Yuuri is more than happy to love and take care of him.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @LadyMWrites


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